What can I say? I was raised Greek Orthodox. Greek Orthodox means I’m also uncircumcised. [woman yelling] Yeah. Nice. We’ve got… We’ve got a fan in the building. Thanks. Yeah. [indistinct yelling] Nice. That’s… Okay, hang out. Stick around. Uh… [laughing] You know, some people, there’s a stigma, not for some people. You know… She’s all for it. I’ve never really experienced any problems. One girl wouldn’t give me head because I’m uncircumcised, and that felt like discrimination. You know? That’s no way to treat a proud Mediterranean-American. For the most part, people are cool, you know? For the most part, if I get any reaction, what I get is interest and surprise. Like, I get what happens if you give a white trash person sushi, you know? Like, uh… [mumbling] “Oh! That’s pretty good.” [laughing] There was one time, though, where my uncircumcised penis was a problem. This was very early on in my sexual career. This was with my college girlfriend. And it was my fault, I’ll be honest. I don’t have a good uncircumcised penis. I have a finicky penis. Uh… Foreskin’s a little too tight. Think about trying to get a fat toddler in a baby’s turtleneck. Like… It won’t go down all the way, you know? My dick’s always kind of hanging out like this, “Like, what’s up, dude? What’s going on, playboy?” My dick’s a lot like the neighbor from Home Improvement, you know? [chuckles] So… So, I’m with my college girlfriend, she wanted to take things slow, that was cool with me. I didn’t have sex in high school, so I was like, “However long you need, but eventually I get pussy. Please. I need it.” Um… And things were going great. We had a good relationship, we really liked each other, things were progressing nicely, and eventually I had amassed enough boyfriend tokens to get jacked off. Tried to trade them in, I was like, “How about a blow job?” She was like, “Hand job.” Like it was Chuck E. Cheese. You’re like, “Can I have that helicopter?” “Vampire teeth! You know… You know how many tickets you have, kid.” [chuckles] Still, I was thrilled to be getting a hand job, and… So we’re hooking up, and it’s not going great. She hasn’t seen a lot of dicks, let alone a fucked up dick like mine. And she doesn’t have the proper finesse approach it requires, so any time I’m even close to coming, she’s just like yanks on it too hard, and I’m just like… [yelps] [laughs] You know? And I don’t have the self-esteem at this point in my life to be like, “Hey, um, this is one of the worst things anyone’s ever done to me. Can you please stop?” So we’re both just suffering through this horrific hand job. It’s taking forever, it’s taking like 45 minutes, you know. She switched arms a bunch of times. I can see the fatigue in her eyes. She’s trying everything though, to her credit. She’s a real trooper. At a certain point she just starts jacking me off with her lower body, where her hand is on my penis, but all the locomotion is happening with her legs. You know? She gives me like a full body bounce at one point. [moaning] Finally, by some miracle, I’m about to bust. And I don’t know how your guy’s dicks work, but I have kind of similar physics to a Super Soaker. So… the more pumps, the more velocity, and I’ve been getting pumped for quite some time here. So she’s staring down the barrel of my penis, and I’m about to come, and she can tell because I’m like, “Yes, finally, finally, yes, yes, please, please, please.” And, in that moment, she freaks out, she maybe can sense what’s about to happen, aims it away from her, and I just get a rocket coming back at me. And the first time a woman ever made me come it ended up in my own eye. I’m just sitting there, I’m like, “Uh, ha… Awesome. Exactly how I thought it would go.” I’m just sitting there watching my little ass dick shrink in her hand. And by the way, I don’t care that my dick is small, okay? The bigger the dick, the closer to Hell, as far as I’m concerned. You and those danglers dancing with the Devil. Not me, baby. I’m high and tight near our dear Lord Jesus Christ.
